[TriLUG] unfamiliar with "lord of the rings"? fear not ...

[rpjday]

    Whatchoo Tolkein 'bout, Willis?

  Baffled by intricate "Rings" lingo?  This handy glossary
makes the epic slightly less confusing.

BILBO:  The Hobbit who's secretly been in possession of 
the One Ring and thereby started this whole mess.  Also
a naughty word to dyslexics.

FRODO:  The bold cousin of Bilbo who takes on the challenge
of destroying the One Ring.  In other words, ain't nobody
kickin' *this* Hobbit.  Get it?  Ah, screw you.

DARK LORD SAURON:  The evil "emperor" who plots to increase
his "force" and turn Middle-earth to his "dark side."  Um ...
something awfully familiar about this ...

GALADRIEL:  Mystical hottie and ally of the heroic Fellowship
of the Ring, she holds the rank of Queen of the Elves, a title
she shares with Sir Elton John.

GANDALF:  The wise old wizard who frequently plays foul-mouthed
Mafia heavies with a penchant for strippers.  No, wait ...
that's *Gandolfini*.

HUMANS:  The weakest of all the races in Middle-earth, they
have no magic powers, but are the only ones tall enough to
ride the really good roller coasters.

ORCS:  Barbaric monsters who make life difficult for Middle-
earth's denizens.  Minions of Sauron who also take gigs as
doormen at trendy nightclubs.

ONE RING:  The sinister creation of Sauron, it's powerful
enough to control the 19 other Great Rings of Power, yet
your girlfriend still thinks it looks cheap.

RINGWRAITHS:  The cursed emissaries of Sauron, they are dark,
soulless creatures who use their powers to manipulate
prime-time TV schedules.